


It Only Goes Downhill From Here

by AokazuSei



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Cutting, M/M, OOC, Suicide, grammar/spelling errors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 05:18:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3638223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AokazuSei/pseuds/AokazuSei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>WARNING: This is a major angst fic with hints of suicide and cutting</p><p>Comas aren't particularly enjoyable, especially not when you have to watch your important people suffer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Only Goes Downhill From Here

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Holyangelheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holyangelheart/gifts).



No matter how many books he read, movies he watched, or even his imagination, nothing could prepare him for this.

Looking down, he could see his own physical burden, skin, too pale to even be considered normal, cheeks sunken in as if skin barely stretched over non-existent flesh. It must have been months, possibly years, since he had been like that, and yet no matter how many times he examined himself, he cringed.

There was a slight squeak as the door open, revealing a tall brown haired man.

_Kiyoshi-senpai…_

The senior stood in front of the beating corpse before taking a seat, a vibrant smile ever so present on his face.

Kuroko smiled in response as he inched closer to the brunette. He liked it when Kiyoshi visited. Without exception, the latter would always smile whenever he came, considerably brightening up the bluenette’s dismal days.

He watched as Kiyoshi chatted away, nodding as if the other could see him listening. But then his heart grew heavy as he saw the taller man pause.

“Seirin’s still sad that you’re not awake yet,” He laughed, but even Kuroko could see the slight sheen in his eyes. “They’re still waiting for you to come back.”

Kuroko frowned sadly as he looked away. He couldn’t stand to look at him anymore, to look at the man breaking before his eyes.

“Heh, I’m still waiting for you to come back.”

The frown became a tight line as he clenched his teeth and swallowed.

He heard the quickening of a breath, a tear in his control, before a deep voice cracked. “You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.”

Kuroko couldn’t stop himself. He hugged the latter, continuing to do so despite the fact that they would never be able to touch each other, never know of each other’s presence. And there, they stayed until Kiyoshi left. His smile was long gone.

* * *

“You can’t do this!”

Kuroko couldn’t look at him, and yet every small glance in Kiyoshi’s direction was enough to send the bluenette drowning with regret. It was even harder to watch Kiyoshi as he struggled against Seirin and the doctors, fighting to keep the bluenette on life support.

His body had been on the machine for far too long; it was starting to rot from the inside. Kuroko wasn’t going to come back, and while everyone had painfully accepted this, Kiyoshi continued to fight on.

“Why would you let this happen?” The latter screamed at his teammates who tried to restrain him. “Kuroko’s our friend!”

“Stop it Kiyoshi!” Half of them were being thrown off as he thrashed around, trying to reach the bed.

“You can’t give up on him!”

“Senpai, please stop!”

“We just need to wait a little more! He’ll come back!”

“Teppei-kun.”

It was only a small whisper, but it was enough to stop his rampage. Aida was in tears, as was everyone else, but she held her composure as she held his shoulder, gently squeezing it. “Kuroko is gone.”

“But-”

“You need to let go,” She peered into his eyes. “Can’t you see? You’re not the only one suffering.”

Brown orbs looked around at his teammates, weary and heartbroken.

He didn’t want to give in. There was still a hope for him to come back. Even the slightest chance of a miracle was enough for him. They couldn’t be cruel enough to take that way.

“Please,” She looked down as her grip on his shoulders tightened, nails biting into his shoulder. “Kuroko wouldn’t want this.”

His shoulders slumped, giving in to the unknown weight on his body, resting his head on her tiny frame as his entire body racked from hard sobs.

Later that night, it was Kiyoshi who shut down the machine. His iron heart was cracking.

* * *

Even though the sun highlighted the sky, light creeping lower into the horizon, Kiyoshi felt empty as he looked down at  the stone slab before him.

He was the last to stay, the others leaving him to his own privacy hours ago, and it was only the the slight fluttering of his blazer, the sway of his bangs, that proved he wasn’t some statue, though he shared the same indifference as one. Nothing mattered because the one person who did was dead.

Falling to his knees, he traced engravings, brown orbs filled with longing. “Kuroko…”

Standing only a few inches away, Kuroko could only be a spectator, a phantom of a companion. Despite his hand reaching out to comfort brown locks, he felt nothing, and only the slight shiver against his touch would indicate that Kiyoshi could feel it.

“Kiyoshi-senpai,” His hand brushed his shoulder, feeling the larger man unconsciously flinch. “You should go home soon. It’s getting late.”

He never thought it was possible for Kiyoshi’s spirit, one filled with so much fortitude and kindness, to crumble into such a hollow shell.

“It should have been me.”

The words were only a small utter, as silent as a fleeting breath, but it was enough. Enough for cerulean eyes to widen as his gut dropped to his knees.

“Please don’t blame yourself,” He dropped to his knees to face his mourning friend. “It’s no one’s fault, especially not your’s.”

Kiyoshi was silent, but Kuroko knew he could never hear him. He had not forgotten why he was in such a state; after all, 4000 kilograms of metal ramming into his body only to hear sounds of cracking bones against hard pavement didn’t make it a pleasant memory.

It wasn’t that he regretted saving Kiyoshi, but seeing the latter collapsed on the ground, no one could consider that living.

Was it all worth it?

No, he had no choice.

To him, Kiyoshi was an older brother, a friend, his most important person. It started out as pure respect, admiration for his skills, awe in his modest personality, and amazement for his fortitude spirit. Kiyoshi was the embodiment of everything he believed in. He wasn’t sure when it changed to something deeper, but that didn’t matter; he took his affections to the grave.

There was a shift in his peripheral. Kiyoshi leaned over the freshly filled hole, lips moving in a murmur, before standing tall and walking away. Kuroko didn’t hear what he whispered to the stone, but he followed along. This was the very least he could do.

* * *

Some time had passed by, but nothing seemed to improve. The sun, hidden behind a wall of clouds, was falling behind the horizon. Kuroko sat on his bed, legs slowly swaying against the edge of the cushion.

His body felt strange, though Kuroko didn’t pay much attention to how nor why; one wouldn’t need to in his situation.

A jolt in the bed broke his train of thought, but it was met with only silence.

“Did you get another nightmare, senpai?”

His question answered by the shuffling of sheets. Turning around, he could make out Kiyoshi’s large back in the dimly lit room.

“Was it the same dream again?”

Kuroko didn’t need an answer to know he was right. “You need to forget.”

Kiyoshi continued to lie still, staring blankly at the wall. He had the same dream over and over again, and even though he was wide awake, it continued to replay itself. There was no way he could ever forget, not when the visions of glowing red continue to grace him every time he closed his eyes.

Survivor’s guilt was a hellish gift to have, but one he could not refuse. How could he even live if he had? To forget everything that Kuroko had done for them, for him. He would never allow that.

Ever since the accident, days dragged on, making it difficult to even function. Doubts dulled his head as anxiety bore through his chest. In a continuous loop of anguish, his mind swam in despairing thoughts.

_If it weren’t for you, he would still be alive._

_He saved you and this is your thanks?_

_Your tears just make you even more disgusting._

_Coward._

_You couldn’t even tell him-_

He needed to stop, but how could he when that was what he truly believed?

With a quick movement, he buried himself under a pillow as if it would quell the voices.

Coward, an insult he had no way to refute. Not when he selfishly hid away his shameful affections, only to reveal it to the bluenette when he was already six feet under.

_“Iron Heart”? You’re selfish._

_You’re not the only one suffering, and yet here you are holed up in this miserable mess._

_You can’t support anyone, not even yourself._

_In the end, you let him down._

“Stop it…” Teeth gritted against each other.

Kuroko blinked in surprise, “Senpai?”

The brunette was breathing heavily, and despite the fact that his face was obscured by his wild bangs and his pillow, the glint in his eyes was far from sane.

Blatant concern was visible as Kuroko leaned in. There were days when Kiyoshi’s mental health was unstable, but none had escalated to this point. Copious amounts of sweat trickled down his paste coloured body, a sick comparison to its original tanned state.

“Kiyoshi-senpai-”

Bed sheets and pillows were tossed to the floor in seconds as Kiyoshi bolted to the restroom.

Kuroko stayed still, confused but resigned to his earlier behavior. He continued to sit on the bed, waiting a few moments to see if Kiyoshi would return, but seeing how there was only silence, he followed after, only to look in appalment.

“No…”

How did it get this bad?

Silver gleamed as the metal pressed against flesh, not yet stained with crimson. He was shaking, breathing in deep raspy breaths. Although slight, his hands trembled as he held the knife.

Hesitance, a small window of hope Kuroko tried to obtain by reaching toward Kiyoshi’s quivering hand.

“Don’t do it!”

But in reality, it had been wishful thinking. Naive to believe that simply touching Kiyoshi’s hand, sending a sort of chill, would stop him. His efforts sent him to face a cruel reality.

Pale fingers, ones that should have prevented red with a single cold graze, instead, phased through hands much larger than his. There was no indication that Kiyoshi was even aware, not even the tiny hint of a shiver.

“Why…” Cerulean eyes stared in shock at his retracted hand.

It was translucent.

_No…It can’t be…_

Reaching for anything in range, he could only watch in despair as his fingers seeped through. Shoulders slump, he looked down at his own hands before attempting to link them. The appendages met thin air.

_No… No no no no no nonononono_

Why did this happen now? Even as he stood, his mind was becoming muddled. Kiyoshi was breaking, yet the only thing he could do was stand there helpless.

He didn’t want that, he couldn’t accept it. He didn’t want to leave Kiyoshi all alone. Tears streaked down his face as he conscious started to fade along with his body. His last sight was dyed in red, all before he ceased to exist.

* * *

Light blue eyes stared blankly at the white tiled ceiling, taking moments to actually realize that his eyes were open. A few minutes had passed before he was able to register a thought.

He was alive.

Kuroko tried sitting up, but wincing before falling back onto the bed when his arms gave under his weight.

_It was all a dream._

He breathed out a sigh of relief, unconsciously closing his eyes as well. He turned as the door squeaked open.

“Took you long enough,” Kagami huffed, though Kuroko knew he was actually glad. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” Though he was somewhat sore. He looked at his teammates before his eyebrows creased, “Where’s Kiyoshi-senpai?”

“Ah, he couldn’t make it today,” Koganei replied, albeit too quickly.

“We can visit him if you want,” Izuki suggested, dragging Kuroko’s concerns from his mind.

He wanted to see him. “I’d like that.”

“The doctors said that you can be discharged once you’re awake,” Aida spoke. “But you’re not allowed to exert yourself for a few weeks.”

“Until then, you’ll be moving around in this,” Hyuuga appeared with a wheelchair fully prepared.

Seirin surrounded Kuroko, gently lifting him from the bed to the seat. He was too preoccupied with the transfer to notice the sullen looks behind him.

* * *

“Kuroko, we’re here.”

A cool breeze brushed past his tresses as he cracked his eyes open. He didn’t know when he dozed off, but he awoke to the sight of a luscious valley. Which made his distorted mind wonder why there would be such a green area in the city.

It didn’t take long for him to register the painful tear in his chest once his eyes focused upon the cemetery in front of him.

**Author's Note:**

> This is reposted from my tumblr as a request from Holyangelheart.


End file.
